Members Only Auction Closed

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Birth Order

This month's series meeting, lead by Kathy, was based on the book by Kevin Leman, The Birth Order Book. Here is an overview:

The Birth Order Book

Why You Are the Way You Are by Kevin Leman

Other variables: age, spacing, gender, temperment, beauty/cuteness, physical attributes, illness/prematurity/disabilities, parenting/family culture.

Parents can identify/overidentify with child in same birth position

First born

Perfectionist, reliable, achiever, hard to ignore, second parent/babysitter, walks and talks early, overparented, pressured to perform, conservative, conscientious, list maker, well organized, critical, serious, scholarly, highly motivated to achieve, precise, strong powers of concentration, writer, perfectionist, can be sloppy but still perfectionist, eyes on Mom and Dad, quiet, skeptical, analytical, assertive, grows up fast, compliant, aggressive, strong willed, model child, pleaser, good student/worker, needs approval, gets walked on, power driven, confident in being taken seriously, tolerant, patient, carries family banner, most punished, king/emperor or queen/empress of family, rescuer

Self tips: learn to say no, take smaller bites of life, lower your sights, avoid perfectionism, take your time, accept mistakes, enjoy organizational skills, allow self to be imperfect, do nice things for yourself, become goal setter, practice positive self-talk, learn to forgive, let others lead

Parenting first borns: Be sensitive to dethroning situations, explain rules, don’t improve on/criticize efforts, allow special privileges, give adults-only attention, go easy on the babysitting, give help when asked

Middle child

Mediator, fewest pictures in the family photo album, avoids conflict, independent, extremely loyal to peer group, many friends, maverick, always plays off first-born, displaced baby, easygoing, laid back, sociable, friendly, outgoing, noncompetitive, unpredictable, squeezed, fifth wheel, goes outside of family for recognition, outsider, free spirit, mediator, pleaser, victim, secretive, “burned child” (get less attention), in helping professions, loyal, less fearful, less anxious, balanced

Self tips: Use social skills, keep your unique qualities, share your ideas, be comfortable with being you, don’t compare yourself, be a leader, don’t spread yourself too thin with friendships/relationships, capitalize on your negotiation skills

Parenting middle children: give special attention and exclusive privileges, give them something new, listen carefully, photograph them alone

Last child

Manipulative, “baby,” charming, blames others, shows off, people person, good salesperson, precocious, engaging, weatherman, performer, noncompliant, scatterbrained, loses things, friendly, charming, gets out of work, “gets away with murder,” prince or princess of family, clown, uncomplicated, tempermental, impatient, impetuous, not taken seriously, lives in shadow of “those born before,” coddled, brash

Self tips: accept responsibility, pick up after yourself, serve others, avoid self-centeredness, admit your faults, share the limelight, date first borns

Parenting last children: Give them responsibilities, hold them responsible, make a big deal of accomplishments, focus on teaching reading, put on some pressure to succeed, complete their baby book

Only child

Lonely, the “super first born,” can have trouble relating to peers, spoiled, self-centered, resentful, well-organized, critical, reliable, conscientious, serious, disciplined, center of the universe, cautious, unhappy, unlikeable, set in their ways, unpopular, useless, perfectionist, rescuer, demanding, double life

Self tips: make time for self, avoid too many commitments, be less critical, serve others, seek out older and younger people,

Parenting only children: (Many same as for parenting first-borns) Avoid criticism, don’t overload or overschedule, allow to fail, avoid pressuring to play with others

Books for Sale

We have some wonderful breastfeeding and parenting books for sale!

Adventures in Gentle Discipline: A Parent-to-Parent Guide. Hilary Flower. 2005. LLLI. $14.00.

L’Art de l’Allaitement Maternel (French-language Womanly Art of Breastfeeding). LLLI. $10.00.

El Arte Femenino de Amamantar (Spanish-language Womanly Art). LLLI. $$7.95.

The Best Gifts. Marsha Forchuk Skrypuch. 1994. Fitzhenry & Whiteside. $5.00. (2 copies)

Breastfeeding Your Premature Baby. Gwen Gotsch. 1999. LLLI. $5.85 LLL members; $6.50 non-members.

Depression in New Mothers: Causes, Consequences, and Treatment Alternatives. Kathleen A. Kendall-Tackett. 2005. The Haworth Maltreatment and Trauma Press. $24.95

The Happiest Toddler on the Block: The New Way to Stop the Daily Battle of Wills and Raise a Secure and Well-behaved One- to Four-Year-Old. Harvey Karp with Paula Spencer. Bantam Dell. $14.00.

How to Really Love Your Teenager. Ross Campbell. 1971.Victor Books. $5.00.

Mothering Your Nursing Toddler. Norma Jane Bumgarner. 2000. LLLI. (4 copies). $12.95

Nighttime Parenting: How to Get Your Baby and Child to Sleep. William Sears. 2001. LLLI. $6.00.

The No-cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep through the Night.Elizabeth Pantley. 2002. McGraw-Hill. $14.95.

The No-cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers. Elizabeth Pantley. 2005. McGraw-Hill. $15.95.

The Nursing Mother’s Guide to Weaning. Kathleen Huggins and Linda Ziedrich. 1994. The Harvard Common Press. $9.86 for LLL members; $10.95 for non-members.

The Nursing Mother’s Herbal. Sheila Humphrey. 2003. Fairview Press. $16.95.

Please contact Renee @ or (801) 201-2165 to purchase.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Enrichment Meeting Tuesday

Enrichment meetings are a perk of membership! Join LLL today and come to our next enrichment meeting this Tuesday, November 24th for: Families and birth order: Yours, his, and baby's.
Hope to see you there!

Contact Kathy at to purchase your membership!

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

How do I respond to and avoid criticism?

With the holidays fast approaching and many family gatherings and activities upcoming, we as mothers may be faced with more criticism than usual. Remember that our attitude and tone of voice can make a world of difference in how people accept your responses. The approaches and phrases listed below are helpful for dealing with criticism. Review them and choose the ones that are most comfortable for you.

  1. Use "I" messages instead of "YOU" messages. (Rather than "You always criticize me" try "I really don't like to be criticized.")
  2. I'd like to discuss something. Is this a good time for you?
  3. I feel (angry, hurt, etc.) when...
  4. Having your support means so much to me.
  5. It's amazing how much research has been done over the years. It must surprise you to see me doing _______. I hope I'll be able to handle it well when Abbey starts her own family.
  6. Everyone has to make the decision they feel is best for their situation.
  7. I'm glad that you care so much about the baby. I've thoroughly researched the topic and feel comfortable with my decision. I'd be glad to share my info with you.
  8. I realize that this is an individual decision, and I'd really appreciate your giving me a chance at this.
  9. My doctor has stated...
  10. The American Academy of Pediatrics feels...
  11. That gives me a lot to think about!
  12. Your love and concern for the baby really shows.
  13. That's certainly another way of approaching it.
  14. I'm glad that ___________ worked well for you and your baby.
  15. We're really at odds here. Let's just agree to disagree and still stay friends, OK?
  16. I think we're losing sight of our goal here, which is the baby's well-being. Let's back up a little.
  17. This is a topic that has been debated and argued for generations. Let's not fall into that trap, OK?
  18. There are some valid points to both sides here.
  19. You could be right.
  20. I'd like some time to think about what you just said.
  21. Let's remember that we're both on the same side here.
  22. Can we save the arguments for truly vital topics?
  23. It's a very individual decision, and I'd never try to impose my viewpoints on someone else.
  24. Maybe the topic of _______ should go along with religion and politics: Not a good conversation topic for us.
  25. Discussing __________ can really get me worked up. I'm sorry if I said anything out of line. Let's change the subject.
  26. How about a compromise? You don't mention __________and I won't criticize your driving anymore.
  27. We're Abbey's parents and this is the decision we've made.
  28. You feel very strongly about this, I can see.
  29. This works for our family in our situation, but it might not work for you.
  30. Just Smile. :-)

Ways To Prevent Criticism:

  1. Be discreet if at all possible.
  2. Don't set yourself up for a discussion you don't really want to have.
  3. Avoid issues where you anticipate disagreement. Focus instead on areas where you have something in common.
  4. Offer an explanation of why you do things before you are asked. Do this in a gentle way, letting them know how happy you and the baby are. Be sure you give them permission to do things differently. (See #6 & 29 above)
  5. Appear confident and happy with the way you do things, even if you are not. Don't express doubts to people who don't agree with you.


  1. Rise above criticism as much as you can without a "holier than thou" attitude. A positive non-threatening reply works best. In rising above criticism, making light of things often works.
  2. Sometimes it's best to ignore the criticism and consider the source. People often feel defensive and attack when someone is doing things differently.
For these and additional resources please visit today!

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

What is a galactagogue? Do I need one?

Galactagogues are substances that can increase milk supply. They can be used to help increase low supply or build a supply for adoptive nursing or re-lactation. But these alone can't increase your supply. The first question to ask is Do you think your supply is low? and Why?

These are important signs that indicate your baby is receiving enough milk:

  • The baby nurses frequently averaging at least 8-12 feedings per 24-hour period.
  • The baby is allowed to determine the length of the feeding, which may be 10 to 20 minutes per breast or longer.
  • Baby's swallowing sounds are audible as he is breastfeeding.
  • The baby should gain at least 4-7 ounces per week after the fourth day of life.
  • The baby will be alert and active, appear healthy, have good color, firm skin, and will be growing in length and head circumference.
If indeed your supply is low, try some of the following:
  • Encourage your baby to breastfeed frequently and for as long as he will.
  • Offer both breasts at each feeding. Allow baby to stay at the first breast as long as he is actively sucking and swallowing. Offer the second breast when baby slows down or stops. "Finish the first breast first," is a good general rule. (This technique gives baby lots of the fatty "hindmilk.")
  • Baby should end the feeding. He may do this by falling asleep and detaching from the breast after about 10 to 30 minutes of active sucking and swallowing.
  • Be sure baby is latched on and positioned correctly at the breast, that is, lips should be on the areola (the darker skin area), well behind the nipple. An LLL Leader can help fine-tune positioning as well as suggest ideas to ease soreness. Breastfeeding isn't supposed to hurt.
  • A sleepy baby may benefit from "switch nursing" that is, switching breasts two or three times during each feeding. Switch breasts when baby's sucking slows down and he swallows less often.
  • All of baby's sucking should be at the breast. Limit or stop pacifier use while encouraging baby to nurse more effectively. If you are supplementing, even temporarily, you can give the supplement by spoon, cup, or with a nursing supplementer. Contact an LLL Leader for assistance in using these.
  • Contact a local LLL leader for information and support.
Here are some further resources on milk supply issues from

That being said, some of the most common herbal galactagogues are fenugreek and blessed thistle. These are available in herbal teas (which are not as easy to control dosage), tinctures and capsules. There are also prescription medications that can increase supply such as domperidone which is approved for nursing mothers by the American Academy of Pediatrics. Some more readily available galactagogues may already be in your kitchen cabinet such as barley, brewer's yeast, hops, nettles and fennel. Oatmeal and beer (please read this information on alcohol and breastfeeding before deciding about the beer) are also galactagogues. Who knew?! Enjoying that bowl of oatmeal for breakfast just got even better, but remember that milk supply is based on supply and demand, so don't forget to nurse nurse nurse!

Happy Nursing!